My “Big Boy” is Getting Married

ROSS

He’s my “Big Boy”.

We came into one another’s lives when he was 5 and I was 20.  We were both kids.  I think we basically grew up together.  I’ll leave it at that.

Fast-forward eight or ten years.  A deep and abiding love grew in my heart.

I know I am not his mother.  I’m just the step-mom.  But, I’d like to think I’m something “different” than just a step mom.  We have a relationship that only we can understand.  While I have scolded him like a mom, I have also listened like a mom, too.  But with the unique slant of a friend.  Maybe even an outsider.  A different perspective.  He’s my kid, yet he’s not.  I’m a parent to him, yet I’m not.  If you’ve never been in this situation, then I am sure it’s hard for you to understand exactly what I mean.  If you have lived this unique life, then you are my kindred.  I would step in front of a moving train for him, just as I would my son I gave birth to.  They are both “my boys”, and I love them without fail.

I tell people, when they ask, that I have two boys.  One came with the marriage license, one came with an epidural.  Then, when they inevitably ask how old the boys are, I say their ages and it FREAKS THEM OUT!  You can immediately see them calculating in their head the math it would take to make me ACTUALLY be his mother. You see, Mr. Hilaman robbed the cradle when he married me.  We’ll save that topic for another time.

So, here we are, years and years later.  Bobby and I will celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary this March.  Ross and Anna will marry this August.  It will be an emotional year.

I am excited for the wedding.  I love weddings.  They are beautiful, and girly, and fun.  Anna will be a beautiful bride.  Ross will be a handsome groom.  Mr. Hilaman and Marshall will certainly be sharp in their tuxedos.  It will most certainly be a fairy tale day.

But I want to share my heart now.  I am not Ross’ mother.  I am not the mother-of-the-groom.  Ross has a mom whom he loves with all his heart.  I want to honor her on that day, and in every event between now and then.  She and Anna’s mom are the honored mothers at the wedding, and in Ross and Anna’s lives.   I am Mrs. Robert Hilaman, wife of the groom’s father.  I know Ross loves me and I love him.  And I can’t wait for him to be married and have kids and watch them all grow.  But, I want to honor his mother and Anna’s mother, and do my best to make sure their day is as wonderful and memorable as possible.  I want them to feel special, and have beautiful pictures with their kids, and have a lovely time.   I would never want Ross’ mom to think I was trying to take any part of her mother-ship, or that I was trying to wedge into being Ross’ mom.  I’m something different to him, even if it doesn’t have a real definition.  Sometimes you just have to say, “it is what it is.”  It is a mother-style love, from a different realm.

So, I hope I continue to grow in this next year.  Learning to honor others with a pure heart out of my love for Christ.  Then, on the day of the wedding,  just put me in a pew and give me a box of kleenex!  My Big Boy’s getting married!