Two Are Better Than One

Y’all know that, in general, two is better than one. Cookies, bicycle tires, eyeballs, puppies, or, for instance, jet plane engines.

The Lawyer and I took a little jaunt to the great state of Texas recently to take in a concert, take a ride to Waco, and eat too much good food. From Tallahassee it’s a good long drive, so we decided to fly and then get a rental car when we got there. In Tallahassee we have an “international” airport, which if you know, well, you know why I put “international” in “quotes.” We’re a tiny little operation, which is embarrassing considering we’re the state capital, but nobody asked me. But enough of that. We have two airlines which fly in and out with limited flights and whichever one you choose you never get where you’re going without going to their closest hub first. Lots of folks choose to drive to a larger airport to be able to fly directly to wherever it is they’re going and also probably save a little bit of money. But we always fly out of Tallahassee since we’re both self-employed and can stay at work during the time we’d be driving to another city’s airport to save money, since we can make more than we’d save in that amount of time. Of course that means we either fly to Atlanta or Charlotte first, but we still save time and money. It’s crazy math, but it maths, so we do it.

Again I ran off the runway. Let me get back to business.

We were fortunate enough to be able to fly out at noon-ish, 12:01 actually, according to the ticket, and that far beats the heck out of five-thirty in the morning. Because really, that’s middle of the night. And nobody needs to fly in the middle of the night. Oh, and as yet another side note, y’all know I’m President of Overpackers Anonymous, but this time I got some of those fancy shrink wrap bags to be able to pack more. I shall never leave home without them again. I have found my solution to life. Anyhoo.

Our plane was about ten minutes late arriving to get us, so the crew assured us they’d do a quick turn and get us in the air as soon as possible, which they did. We took off only about ten minutes late, and the pilot assured us he’d make up a few minutes in the air so people could make their connections. But within minutes, we all knew that plan had changed.

Drastically.

It was a rainy day in TLH and we were skirting big clouds and lightening on takeoff. Not a big deal to any of us, I don’t think. Nobody seemed too wound up about it. Well, maybe there was that one guy on the other side of the aisle from The Lawyer. Couldn’t help but notice him when I looked at my blue-eyed handsome man, because he was a tall guy spilling out into the aisle, and bouncing his left leg ferociously as we took off. I don’t think flying is his favorite. He calmed down just as we got good and in the air, but that calm only lasted about 3 minutes, maybe, before we all started bouncing our legs.

As we ascended and got to cloud height, there was a strange noise. I immediately tried to convince myself that the clouds that day were thicker than normal clouds and as the engine sucked them in it just made more noise than usual. Funny the things you try to tell yourself. We were sitting about 15 rows back, so the wings, and therefore the jet engines, were a good little bit behind us. Of course, planes make noises all the time, and if you’ve ever flown more than once you know what those normal sounds are. And this, my friends, was most assuredly not a normal sound, try as I may to convince myself otherwise. Everyone froze. The plane did not jostle, the plane did not stutter or sputter, the plane did not drop or do any other thing to get a person’s attention. So we collectively held our breath. Then it happened again…..and again….and maybe a fourth time, I don’t know. It was probably ten to 15 seconds between each sound. Then an eerie quiet from the back.

We lost an engine.

It was clear we were no longer ascending, though we did not seem to be in any way descending. It was also clear we were not at normal altitude considering how long we’d been in the air. It was also clear that if we were to begin a rapid descent, we were high enough that wed die on impact. So there’s that.

So now the guy on the other side of the aisle was bouncing his leg again, the young lady next to him was bouncing her leg and spinning her earbud container rapidly in her hands and twisting her wedding ring and holding her breath and about to have a come apart. I feel ya, sister – me, too. I just wanted to go hold her hand and tell her everything was going to be ok. I felt for her.

I looked at The Lawyer for assurance. He tried. But it was a look I’d not seen before. He knows planes, helicopters, and all the noises they make. He confirmed this was not normal, this was not good. I had a hard time breathing.

We chatted quietly about what was going on. He tried to humor me and tell me that maybe the luggage door had flown open and we were spewing suitcases, but I knew better. The eerie quiet from behind was a dead give away. And he said the fact we were no longer ascending probably did, in fact, mean we’d lost an engine.

I’ve never been more scared in all my life.

We held tight and waited. At least we were maintaining what altitude we did have, and the flight attendants were still up and down the aisles, though quite obviously on mission. After what seemed like hours, the pilot finally came on the PA and acknowledged the noise he knew we’d all heard, and said we’d had a problem with one of the motors so we’d be maintaining our altitude right where we were and we were still headed to ATL. It surprised The Lawyer that we weren’t turning around, but the pilot never said we lost the engine completely. But who are we kidding. It’s either working or it isn’t. And at this point, it isn’t.

At this point, too, I realized I was shaking uncontrollably. Adrenaline has a hard affect on me, to the point that is scares those around me sometimes because I shake so hard. I knew it would eventually pass when we landed. I also knew that landing this plane wouldn’t come soon enough.

After a little bit, when it was apparent that we weren’t going to immediately fall out of the sky, people started chatting again. The only one I was chatting with was Jesus. We had a good little talk. And for once, The Lawyer didn’t sleep on a flight. He was keenly aware of what was happening, and keeping me informed, and also sharing stories of how, and how many times, the rescue crews met him on the runway when he came in for a landing himself. Um, Lawyer, was that supposed to make me feel better?!?! Though his stories were somewhat comical, his comedic timing may have been just a wee bit off. It’s funny now….it was not so funny at the time.

The flight attendants kept a close eye on things and made not-so-subtle passes up and down the aisles checking to make sure everyone was buckled in tightly. That did not make me feel good. But they were cool and collected and did their jobs with amazing professionalism. Hats off to them.

There were no more random noises, no turbulence more than any other flight, and everything seemed to be going smoothly. We prepared for a normal landing and the captain seemed non-distressed as he addressed the guests. We landed without a hitch, but before we came to a stop, as we were still probably cruising 50 or 60 mph down the runway, I swore I heard sirens. NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT SIRENS!!! We finally came to a complete stop and I saw a fire truck come from the front of the plane and pass by our window, just as the captain addressed us again over the PA. He assured us that this special greeting from the ground emergency crew was normal under our circumstances, and that they were just checking to make sure we weren’t leaking any oils or liquids on the tarmac which would create further hazards for other aircraft. Yeah, right. You guys were looking for flames and such, I just know it. But whatever, we only sat there three minutes maybe before we were taxi-ing toward our gate. At this point I think they could’ve opened the doors and we’d have all willingly jumped out. We were done.

I do think most everyone’s shakes had quelled, including mine, and we were all thrilled to be getting our butts off this one-eyed airship. As if nothing had happened at all, just as always, the captain and crew were wishing us well as we deplaned. I looked at that little captain man and said, “now look….don’t do that again!!!” He looked back at me and laughed and said, “I didn’t try to do it this time!”

Lord help.

We made our way to the Delta SkyLounge to sit and eat and drink and chew pills. Ok, so I could only choke down seven Ritz crackers and one piece of cheese, but I did sit and drink and chew pills. That was enough for one day. I’d had it.

But we still had one more flight to go.

We loaded up and found our seats. A row of three with me in the middle, of course, and The Lawyer on the aisle. Our row mate never showed, and because The Lawyer had his arm in a sling from a procedure the previous day, the flight attendants converged on him and asked him to trade seats with me so they wouldn’t bump him on their four thousand treks up and down the aisle. I talked him into leaving me in the middle and him taking the window seat so he could lean against the wall and sleep. He obliged. And after a drink and snack, he was nearly comatose, head thrown back, mouth agape, dreaming of popcorn and hot buttered bread, I’m sure. I still wasn’t ready to sleep on a plane just yet. In fact, I didn’t even recline my seat. Just couldn’t do it. Not ready to relax yet. I think I needed to be on a normal flight and remind myself several hundred times that statistically planes are safer than most any other form of travel.

Or something like that.

So all was good and well, and as we prepared to land I started sending the usual “just landed” text to all the important people. Well, I was head down, not paying attention, not looking out the window, when we were wheels to the tarmac. And y’all know that’s a hard bump.

Scared the crap out of me. I thought we were gone-ers.

Then I got tickled at myself.

I probably needed to chew one. more. pill.