Anniversaries

Time. Such a fluid subject. Like water through our fingers.

As humans we mark time, and always have, since the beginning of time. Pun intended. Calendars, clocks, sundials, hourglasses, alarms, egg timers. Some events we only mark once, some events we mark on a schedule, over and over again. Hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, annually, centennially. Birthdays, anniversaries, deaths, fundraisers. We assign a time-stamp to most everything. But what if we didn’t? What if we didn’t mark time in a repetitive way? There would be chaos, confusion, mayhem.

The marking of happy occasion anniversaries is just that – happy. But what happens when that event is no longer a happy one? Or, a different way to look at it is, what if it will always be seen as a happy event, but for reasons, is no longer celebrated? And one day, you realize you’ve forgotten to remember. And it hits you like a ton of bricks.

Seems to have happened to my husband and me a few times in the last handful of months. It was cathartic, surprising, held grief, yet allowed for relief. The relief was the best part. Relief that the event no longer held place in our life. Relief that we allowed ourselves to let go of what held us attached. It was a beautiful, timely release.

So, what’s to be marked now? The same things as before. Birthdays, anniversaries, deaths, fundraisers. Maybe now, though, with a different focus. Some things added to the calendar, some things taken off. And it’s ok. Ok to erase things that had been there for a long time, and ok to add things – in pen.

What’s on your calendar? What do you celebrate? What do you mourn? What do you wish could be erased, and what do you wish you could write in pen? What have you allowed yourself to laugh over, and what have you allowed yourself to grieve? How do you feel about that?

Do you have those dates memorized?

I’d say numbers haven’t ever really been my “thing.” I couldn’t rattle off dates like Rain Man if my life depended on it. I struggled through history class because I couldn’t remember dates. They just don’t lock in my brain. I’m not even good with my friends’ birthdays, and certainly don’t remember their anniversaries. I feel good to know my immediate family member’s birthdays, my own wedding anniversary, and a few social security numbers. eh, well, now that I think about it…….I know phone numbers. I can tell you phone numbers of people from fifty years ago. Just don’t ask me to tell you their birthdays. Odd. Maybe I should have taken that history lesson and turned it into a phone number. There’s a thought. Wonder what all that says about my brain.

All that rambling you didn’t really want to hear or need to know. But how about this: what have you held onto that you need to let yourself let go? From what event do you need relief, and that relief will only come from letting the reminder of the event drift out of your mental calendar? Get out the eraser. Cover it in permanent marker. Dig a hole. Do yourself a favor. I did, and it’s been amazing.