Skinny Jeans

Let’s take another detour, shall we? I’m just going to go ahead and mention that this one is probably – definitely – going to step on some toes. Suck it up, buttercup. Remember our little rule….. don’t be mad at me because you read what I wrote. You can walk away. I ain’t holding you down and shoving these words down your eyeballs.

I digress.

My entire life, with the exception of when I was a newborn (I was huge), I’ve been a not-large person. Most of these fifty-three years I’ve been what would be called “skinny.” Sometimes very skinny. Now, before your mind takes a side street, let me just assure you, there has never been an issue. No anorexia, bulimia, starving, limits, or anything of the sort. I like to eat. Period.

I’ve always been incredibly active, (my mother used to fuss at me, “Sharon, STAND STILL!!!” “Can’t you just be still?!?!” “Just be still for ONE MINUTE!”) Sorry, Mom. I burned calories like an F-15 burns jet fuel. We have skinny genes in our family. I never slow down. All these things make for a thin build. Or, whatever adjective you wish to use for it. I’m skinny. Naturally. Can’t help it.

The problem with it isn’t mine. It’s everybody else’s. Well, actually, that’s not true. The problem with it is that it’s not my problem, it’s everybody else with a problem THINKING IT’S OK TO SAY SOMETHING TO ME ABOUT IT.

Shut your pie hole already.

You don’t get to say those things.

My entire life, I have heard every comment known to man about my size. Everything people can think of about it, they say out loud, too my face. as if they have the right. Couple that with what people have said over the years about my hair, and I am done with it all.

Perhaps the hardest to not be perplexed about is this one: “You’re so skinny, you make me sick.”

No joke. People have said that to me hundreds of times over my life. What in the actual……?????

Now, before you go getting on your high horse, telling me all the reasons why I shouldn’t be offended, that people only say these things because they’re jealous, blah, blah, blah, let me ask you how you’d like someone talking about your fat.

About six years ago I’d finally had it. Took me long enough. At perhaps the most stressful time in my life, yes, I lost some weight. I’m a stress non-eater. So sue me. But, I’ve never purposefully tried to lose weight. I get stressed and don’t eat as much, the metabolism ramps up, I burn calories. End of story. But, I did get skinnier, and folks noticed – and commented. Usually not out of total concern. I’ve always smiled, come up with some nice response, sing-songed my way through my answer to them, and gone about my business as though they didn’t say the most offensive thing ever. I’m nice like that. Or, I was.

No longer.

If you can say stuff, so can I. I spent a little time crafting my response, practicing it, and now it rolls off the tongue like melted butter.

“I don’t talk about your fat, how about you don’t talk about my skinny.”

Stops ’em cold.

And yet, somehow I’m the bad guy.

Unfortunately, I’ve had the opportunity of late to put this into practice. Daily. DAILY. Often times two or three times a day. These folks need to back the hell up. (Sorry, Mom) But I’m over it. YOU DON’T GET TO SAY THESE THINGS TO SOMEONE. I don’t care what the “excuses” are. The “they’re just jealous,” “they wish they could be like you,” excuses. It’s no excuse. Check yourself.

I don’t enjoy “coming back” at folks like this, but sometimes you just have to hit someone between the eyes. I’ve tried the nice answers, I’ve tried the conversations; it doesn’t work. People don’t hear it.

Oh, and as of late, I’ve developed another come-back. I’ve not used it yet, it’s pretty rude. Practiced in my mind, on the ready, I already feel sorry for the person who’ll receive it. It’ll be a knee-jerk reaction on my part, when I’ve been hit several times in a day, and the recipient will be stunned. I’m already preparing for the conversation that will follow, as a conversation always does. After I blurt, I quickly follow up with a conversation about how my entire life I’ve heard these comments and I’m over it and I’m sorry if my response offended you. Again – blah, blah, blah. I really don’t like being mean to folks, so I immediately follow up. Exhausting, but necessary. But, my new come-back? I may not be able to smooth that one over, explain my way out of it, have a conversation. So, maybe I’ll just pocket it. Not sure. Won’t know till I get there. It’ll be a bad day all the way around.

Them: How do you stay so skinny?!?!?!
Me: I put down the fork. Maybe you should try it.

Yeah, I hear ya. Not nice. But makes my point, no?

Yes, I’m incredibly salty about all this. I get to be. Fifty years of this is enough.

Now let me go craft my apology………